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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782747">if the clouds get heavy and start to fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimnokurw/pseuds/zimnokurw'>zimnokurw</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hydra never felt like home to me [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(one here), BAMF Peter Parker, Field Trip, Gen, Hydra Peter Parker, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Meets the Avengers, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Peter knows Bucky, Peter's fake identity is, Protective Bucky Barnes, Smart Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, and Tony helps him through it, but the focus of the story isn't ON the field trip, tom holland - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:20:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimnokurw/pseuds/zimnokurw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>1 boy, 3 identities; field trip to the avengers tower may force him to confront all of them AND his past.</p><p>(peter doesn't know tony &amp; co. in this trip-fic; and this fic isn't focused on the field trip - it's just a part of the story.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Peter Parker, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hydra never felt like home to me [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>hydra peter parker, peter parker and his field trips</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if the clouds get heavy and start to fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i wanted to do something no one ever did, so?<br/>here’s the fic about ex-hydra agent and assassin peter parker that now is a vigilante with a secret identity known as spider-man but daily, he's an ordinary stem student by the name of tom holland.  (ps. i know that hydra!peter isn't new, but did any of these fics have peter's fake identity as tom holland? ,,,that's what i thought)</p><p>...yeah</p><p>warnings; graphic(?) description of a panic attack</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter thought that it was a good day, but then Mr. Harrington said that they are going on a field trip and that it’s a field trip to the Avengers Tower.</p><p> </p><p>You see, Peter is a lot of things, but a person who wants to be anywhere near the Avengers definitely isn’t one of them.</p><p> </p><p>For his school, Mr. Delmar and people from Bulletin that he takes photos for, he is just a 14 year old Tom Holland.</p><p>Ordinary, but really smart teenage boy, who you can’t know what thinks most of the time. If you ignore the mysterious vibe he’s got going on though, he seems like a good kid who’s curious about everything. Who sometimes can talk too much, but then catches himself and gets quiet as if he didn’t just pause in half his thought. If you look really closely, it seems like he desperately wants to save the world.</p><p> </p><p>For himself and himself only, he is Spider-Man.</p><p>So maybe some people laugh that he helps old ladies cross the street, but someone has to. So maybe some people say that his suit is nothing more than a spandex, but he made it himself, it’s comfortable and practical and he almost figured out how to write his AI into the suit’s code. ZASHA is an Artificial Intelligence made by Peter when he was 13. He gave her female voice with russian accent, because at the base, there was a woman named Zasha that was probably the only one nice to him and he really liked her and appreciated her presence. She always gave him books and she was the one that taught him how to read in the first place. Thanks to her, later he was able to go to the lab sometimes after training and he could learn from Dr. Moth. He was only watching the Doctor and minding his own business of course, but he saw a lot and he learned fast. If he didn’t understand something fully, he could also ask Ms. Zasha and she would give him a book about that, the very next day. </p><p> </p><p>But for himself and hundreds of dead, he is also ex-HYDRA Agent and Assassin, raised in a base since he was 1 year old and until he was 12. At first, he thought that HYDRA was good, that they wanted to make the world a better place. Maybe they did, but they were sick, if Peter had anything to say. The way they wanted to save the world in, was sick. “To build a really better world, sometimes means having to tear the old one down.” they would say. But your good intentions can’t justify your cruel actions. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was one year old when HYDRA killed his parents and took him, like he was some object that can be useful later. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was five years old when they first tried to drown him and they said it was a test, and when he survived long enough, they said he was a good kid.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was six years old when he met the Winter Soldier, the man seemed sad to be there, but he was funny when he trained Peter. The Soldier was the only person other than Ms. Zasha that was genuinely nice to him. Over the years, Peter found himself looking at the man as his older-brother-figure. Because they trained, but they were having fun doing it, they laughed. And after the training, they would always rest drinking juice together. The Soldier didn’t want to at first, but Peter convinced him. And after that, they would always sit on a bench, and Peter would choose the orange box and the Soldier would choose the apple one. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was seven years old when he first put a bullet in someone’s head, and Agent Rumlow for the first time told him that he was proud of him. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was nine years old when he was told about the Avengers. That they were playing heroes, but they weren’t really, that they were HYDRA’s biggest enemies. The boy liked Tony Stark at first, because he was just a man, but he was a genius, and Peter wanted to be as smart as him one day, but then he was told that the man was selling weapons to terrorists, that he killed scientists when they invented a serum to save lives and to help America’s Army, and that he did it just because he didn’t invent it himself. So Peter didn’t like Tony Stark anymore. He was told that one day, maybe he’ll have the honour to save the world from this man.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was ten years old when Ms. Zasha died. They told him that it was S.H.I.E.L.D. who killed her, the organisation almost like HYDRA except its members were rogue, they wanted power and control and they would do anything to get this. But Peter knew that those were lies, he overheard a conversation and he knew that it was HYDRA who killed Ms. Zasha. It was probably the first time he <em> really </em> questioned his faith in the organisation. Sure, he had doubts before, but this time it was serious. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was still ten years old when the Winter Soldier escaped and they called him a traitor. Peter didn’t know what to think, he didn’t want to believe it, but suddenly the man and Ms. Zasha disappeared and he was alone. He started training with Agent Rumlow though, and the man told him that he wasn’t alone, that he had the entire HYDRA and that it’s his family. And Peter really needed family in that moment so he believed it and he smiled when he started eating in one room with everyone else. He didn’t question the organisation anymore, because his older brother left him, but HYDRA was still there.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was eleven years old, it was the day of his birthday when they injected him with some serum, when he was sick for a week and then suddenly he felt better than ever before. He was stronger and faster and he had better senses even if that had hurt sometimes. Agent Brock (because he could call him by his first name now) told him that he’s kind of a superhero with all those powers, and others jokingly nicknamed him паук, which is russian for Spider. Peter was eleven when he was first sent on a solo mission. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was twelve when everything got complicated. He was in New York for a solo mission and HYDRA was supposed to pick him up when he finished, but they never came. Later he saw in the news that the Avengers attacked the base and that they won. There wasn’t anyone to even pick Peter up anymore then, and he didn’t know what to do. He had only weapons and money and clothes to change for three days (and he already wore the clothes and spent most of the money). </p><p> </p><p>The boy ended up in a hospital and he befriended a nurse that said he reminded her of her nephew. She didn’t know that, but he really was her nephew, he learned that with time. May and Ben Parkers took him in and became his guardians, but they weren’t a family for long. The Avengers destroyed HYDRA bases, killed and captured its members but some survived and they wanted their Spider back. Agent Rumlow himself killed May and Ben and they tried to kidnap Peter. There was only one place HYDRA would hide in and survive from the Avengers, a location that they couldn’t know about but Peter could. They used to call it HYDRA Preparatory Academy, a United States Army bunker located in the Appalachian Mountains. Peter didn’t want to run, so he went straight to them. He left the base two weeks later, because it was harder that he thought it would be, he was more hurt than he thought he would be but he did it. He killed every single HYDRA Agent or Scientist that there was and he burned the base to the ground. He took everything he considered useful and he stole the money he found while going through the lab cabinets and then he sat there on the ground, bleeding out and watching how it was burning and tearing apart. It was all that the Avengers left, and now it was gone too, he assumed. Because he couldn’t be sure, but he assumed, he <em> really hoped </em> that it was the end of HYDRA. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t risk it though, so he changed his name. He named himself Tom Holland and he printed the documents he needed. He found an apartment that was quite cheap because the owner wanted to sell it quickly. It wasn’t too big, but it was enough. He had a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen and a room that he used as his workshop. He hid the door to that workshop though, and you could see it only if you knew it was there and looked for it.</p><p> </p><p>He forged documents and he created himself a fake legal guardian. He wanted to seem normal, just in case there’s one more HYDRA Agent out there. So, he - Tom Holland, went to STEM school, even though HYDRA scientists already taught him most of the things the school had to offer, and he even found himself a job as a photographer, to not use HYDRA’s money unless he really had to. It was actually an accident; Karen Page, a woman who worked for bulletin just saw a few photos of his and wanted to buy them, then she offered for it to be a permanent job. Whenever she or other reporters need a photo of something, they have his number. </p><p> </p><p>Peter was thirteen when he made Artificial Intelligence and named her Zasha. The AI was in his watch and he was wearing it all the time. It felt safe, he could talk with her through the earpods or he could text her from his phone. He already planned how to make her even better, so he read articles about Tony Stark’s AIs. HYDRA was bad, and he wasn’t sure if that made the Avengers good automatically, so he didn’t like Tony Stark yet, but the man was a genius and his opinions were helpful and good at least when it came to the AIs.</p><p> </p><p>And now, <strike>Peter</strike> Tom is fourteen and he’s going to the Avengers Tower, still not trusting the “heroes” and not wanting to be anywhere near them. </p><p>Tom still has a watch on his left wrist, but ZASHA is turned to ghost mode so Stark’s AI couldn’t read her as a threat. The teen doesn’t have any weapons on himself and that makes him feel a little too naked than he’d like, but he also knows that if he had the weapons he takes with him to school, Stark’s AI would alert security the second he walked into the building. </p><p>“And here comes our tour guide.” says Mr. Harrington and everyone except Tom and MJ look like they want to jump from excitement. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Peter hoped that maybe this field trip could help him get to know the real Avengers and he’d finally decide whether they are good or bad guys, but they are two hours into the tour and they were learning only about Stark Industries. Kind of makes sense, but it’s still disappointing, seeing as Peter has no intentions to apply for the Internship. The rest of the group, though, looks thrilled when they are told they can take some kind of exam today. Even Michelle for a moment seems to be genuinely happy. And Ned looks like he’s gonna have a heart attack any second now, that makes Tom laugh. But the teen waits for the ending of the trip that comes just before taking the exam, because they were told that they can watch Interns’ presentations for their projects and Peter is always curious when it comes to the bots and this sort of stuff. Even more interesting is seeing just projects, and then maybe after a year or two, he’ll see some of them in the news?</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s whole Academic Decathlon is already sitting in the room and there are some Directors and people like that, waiting for the first presentation. And that’s when it all goes to shit, because to the room walks in Bruce Banner and Tony Stark and while Doctor Banner goes to sit next to the lady named Dr. Cho, Stark heads to the stage. Okay, Peter is just paranoid, there is absolutely no reason for the Avengers to treat Tom Holland, high school student, as a threat. He’s gonna enjoy the show like everybody else and then get out of there. Then, his team is gonna take this stupid Internship exam while he waits for them and after that, they will ride back to school.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, I’m Tony Stark, but I bet you already know that, so let’s just jump into this.” begins the man as he looks at the kids in the room. “Here at SI, every once in a while we organise a meeting just like this one and if someone has an idea for building new tech stuff or evolving things we already do, they can show a presentation and the board will decide what’s worth talking about, maybe someone will need some help, so Directors are here to do their thing.” the billionaire explains. “Today, Midtown Academic Decathlon Team, as a reward for winning your Nationals, you’re gonna join us. You already signed the Non-Disclosure Agreement so feel free to act a little judgy or ask a question when you need.” Stark says and smiles too widely for it to not be fake. “Let’s get started, then!” he finishes with a clap of his hands and heads toward the board members, sitting next to Doctor Banner. Tom breaths out, only then noticing he was holding a breath and he sees Michelle looking at him, so he narrows his eyes at her but she only turns her head towards the stage, without a word. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Tom really enjoys the show, every project is described as to its purpose, the inventors usually add why they even thought about creating something like that, they add how they started. Peter finds that he would love to work at Stark Industries one day and he curses his past, because he can’t even apply for Internship, because then FRIDAY, Stark’s AI, would find out his identity is fake. Sure, he deleted any proof he knew about that Peter Parker existed and that he is him, but the AI would notice that Tom Holland didn’t exist before he was twelve. He existed on paper, but not in the real world. </p><p> </p><p>“This one is so cool!” Ned yells in a whisper to Tom and the teen comes back to the world. He sees a project called StarkMirror and it in fact looks cool, but it has a bug in the program. </p><p> </p><p>“It won’t work.” Peter answers his friend and he curses himself, seeing as because of the fact that he was lost in his thoughts, he came back distracted and he said it too loud. Mr. Harrington looks at the boy like he wants to throw his shoe at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think so?” asks Stark in a weird voice that probably means something to people that actually know him and all eyes are on the teen.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, it’s not my place to speak. I was just lost in my head.” the teen says apologetically and he sees that the Intern who’s project it is frowns and tries to turn it on. </p><p> </p><p>“It looks like the last minute changes caused a fault in modules. I cannot run the command.” sounds FRIDAY’s voice from the ceiling. </p><p> </p><p>“You got any ideas, kid?” Stark asks Tom and the boy considers playing dumb, but first of all - the look on Stark’s face says that it won’t work, and second of all - if he answers correctly then maybe Mr. Harrington won’t scold him too much. </p><p> </p><p>Peter sees that the whole room waits for his answer and Flash seems like he wants Tom to fail, so the teen shakes his head to ground himself. “Well it looks like the last change was… messing with Fire HDMI, streaming stick running a custom application, not only from SI but also Apple and Android?” he asks and looks at the intern.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” answers the guy. Ruzek, it says at his name tag. Peter thinks that he looks like the youngest from all interns that already showed up.</p><p> </p><p>“So it’s not powered by Raspberry Pi anymore, it can’t be. You just need to change units to imperial, then the 18th line of the code needs one more 0 and you have to run the command in the terminal, pm2 restart.” explains the teen and out of the corner of his eye he sees as Stark nods, almost like he says that he approves. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I try it quickly?” the intern asks, looking at the board and one of the Directors turns to Stark.</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead.” shrugs the man.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you’re right?” whispers excited Ned, placing his hand on Tom’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s easy. The guy was probably just nervous, otherwise he would catch it.” Peter shrugs and he knows he <em> is </em> right and it <em> is </em> going to work, but he feels Stark’s gaze on him and he begins to feel nervous. </p><p> </p><p>Ruzek finishes the changes and FRIDAY’s voice sounds again. “Trial successful. You have completed your StarkMirror. You can customise it further if you’d like, or run a command to begin your user-presentation.” the guy looks at Tom and smiles at him as if to say thank you. Which is weird, Peter thought he would be mad at him for showing everyone his mistake. But then he remembers that the world isn’t like HYDRA and sometimes people are nice and grateful like that, so he smiles back. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone turns their eyes to Ruzek again as he continues his presentation. “So you can brush your teeth, while over your reflection are laid your daily schedule, weather report, news headlines, incoming messages, and more.” Peter is sure this project will be approved, and he is incredibly happy for Ruzek. God, he’d love to have an internship and work with the guy on a daily basis.</p><p> </p><p>Tom sits quiet for the rest of the presentation and when they wrap up the whole event. </p><p> </p><p>He stays quiet when the Decathlon Team is led to a different room, looking almost like a classroom. It makes sense when the tour guide says that now is the time when they are going to take the exam. Peter is the only one who doesn’t raise his hand when the team is asked who wants to try their luck. </p><p> </p><p>He earns a few looks and questions but at the end, the team stays in the room and when some guy is giving everyone a pen, Tom and Mr. Harrington are led to wait in a different room. Peter likes it, it looks cozy and almost like a living room in some ordinary house. But there’s a fridge, a kettle, coffee machine, a couch and armchairs. The woman who leads them there says that it’s where workers sometimes take a break when they don’t want to make it too long. </p><p> </p><p>Peter sits quietly on the armchair, actually almost lies because it's a really comfortable armchair, and scrolls through apps on his phone. Mr. Harrington reads one of the newspapers that were there and that the lady told them they could take if they’re bored. The teen wonders if he could make his own version of SmartMirror, just for himself or if that would be in conflict with the NDA he signed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m telling you, Pep. When you’ll see his results from the exam, you’re gonna ask me to take him.” Peter hears Stark’s voice and the footsteps of two people. Hills, so there’s Stark and a woman. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s a child, Tony. Let him have childhood, you can hire him when he’s in college.” the woman answers and when Peter turns his head, he sees Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Because life likes to fuck with him. Of course. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, kid. You finished your exam that fast?” Stark asks, surprised. Tom senses Mr. Harrington look at the couple that just walked in and he hears when his heart speeds up. Mr. Harrington is a good guy in general, does his reaction mean that Stark is a good guy too?</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just not taking it.” answers the boy and Stark breathes in a funny way for a moment. Ms. Potts looks at him in a way that for sure is supposed to mean something and then she walks to the coffee machine. For the record though, Peter is sure that if it wasn’t for his luck, she would either go for coffee somewhere else, send someone to get it for her or just not want it at all. Peter hears her greet Mr. Harrington in the background.</p><p> </p><p>“But you were almost asleep, then you took one look at the project and suddenly you knew it had a bug, where it had a bug and how to fix it.” says Stark and Peter understands that he is the child that the billionaire wants to hire and he was telling Ms. Potts about. Fuck his past, he would really want this job.</p><p> </p><p>“Like they say, fresh eyes.” shrugs the boy and the CEO of the Company walks back to Stark, smiling at Peter genuinely. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid you won’t convince him, Mr. Stark.” the teen hears his teacher’s voice. “Tom is a really smart student but he isn’t into showing this, most of the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s okay.” Ms. Potts jumps in when Stark opens his mouth. “Don’t let anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be. You know yourself better.” she smiles at him again and if this happened a few years ago, he would already be hugging her. She’s a good guy, for sure. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Ms. Potts.” he smiles back.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, but are you a fan of Osborn or something like that?” Stark narrows his eyes at the boy and he feels annoyed by the man. Didn’t he hear a ‘no’ before in his life?</p><p> </p><p>“No.” answers Peter. “I just look at you and I see a man, Mr. Stark, not a God like everybody else. Even then, I’m an agnostic, so it wouldn’t cloud my judgement.” says the boy but Stark doesn’t look offended, he looks almost impressed. </p><p> </p><p>“Tom!” sounds the scolding voice of Mr. Harrington. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay. He’s got his opinions, let him say them out loud, I bet he doesn’t do it often.” cuts in Stark, but he’s still looking at Tom and is trying to read him.</p><p> </p><p>The teen was so invested in looking back that he didn’t hear someone new coming in. </p><p> </p><p>“Peter?” sounds male’s voice, as if the man sees a ghost and Peter looks up hearing his name in a voice that is so painfully familiar. </p><p> </p><p>There he is, the Winter Soldier. What is he doing here? Did he join the Avengers? Sure, Peter didn’t keep checks on the ‘heroes’, but wouldn’t he notice it <em> somewhere </em> or hear from Ned? Peter’s heart rate speeds up, but he tries to stay on the ground, so he looks behind himself and when the only person he sees there is Mr. Harrington, he turns back and looks at the Soldier. He narrows his eyes and places a hand on his chest, as if pointing at himself. “Me?” he asks. “I’m sorry, you must have me confused with someone. My name’s Tom.” Peter adds, staying calm when he wants to do a hundred different things. <em> None of them is staying calm. </em> The Soldier left him to join the enemy? He lives in the Avengers Tower now? With the people they were training to kill one day? Was he with them when they attacked HYDRA bases? Was that how they knew about the locations?</p><p> </p><p>“But-“ the Soldier begins but he stops himself just as quickly. “Yeah. I’m sorry.” he shakes his head and turns to leave. He looks like he wanted the boy to be Peter and it really takes everything in the teen’s power to <em> not </em> admit to being him.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you want though?” Stark asks the man, narrowing his eyes at the situation.</p><p> </p><p>“It can wait.” answers the Soldier and Peter watches him walk away. What would the man do? Being an Avenger and knowing that Peter was HYDRA? </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>First thing Peter does after getting back to his apartment is finding out that the Winter Soldier isn’t Winter Soldier anymore. They call him White Wolf, his name is James and he was Captain America’s best friend since they were kids.</p><p> </p><p>ZASHA reads Peter everything she found worth his attention, while the boy makes mac and cheese. She reads not only about the Winter Soldier, but also the rest of the Avengers. It’s high time he caught up.</p><p> </p><p>Peter studies the team of ‘heroes’ throughout the following week. He reads some articles, written by fans as well as by the people against Avengers Initiative. He also asks Ned some questions he can’t find the answers for, even though he’s sure his friend’s opinions are biased. But Peter is able to tell what is a biased opinion and what is an honest fact.</p><p> </p><p>When Michelle hears them talking in the cafeteria, she joins the conversation and she says that the Avengers aren’t bad guys, but they aren’t good either, because they clearly mean well, but there always are casualties when you fight, so whoever they will save will call them ‘heroes’, but if they don’t save someone’s family or a friend, that person will blame them as if it was entirely their fault. Peter finds that he agrees, HYDRA was seen by the public as bad and bad only, but they also meant well, they also wanted to save the world. Peter remembers the lectures, the goals. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s a week and one day after the field trip, Friday. Peter is on his way back home, as Tom, when his spidey-sense goes wild. It was feeling strange the whole day, though, so after a look over his shoulder and not seeing anything alarming, Peter ignores it. </p><p> </p><p>The feeling doesn’t go away. Peter had time to even stop by Mr. Delmar’s and buy a sandwich and he still feels as if someone is following him. He automatically assumes it’s HYDRA, so he heads to the alley, but as soon as he’s alone and there isn’t any witness left, someone throws a sharp object at him and before Peter is able to dodge it, he feels like it stabs him in his neck and injects him with something. The teen feels powerful sedative and he doesn’t even remember hitting the ground. </p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>Peter is waking up and he remembers that he was kidnapped, so he tries to listen to anything around him, but he acts as if he’s still unconscious. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s a child! You can’t just go and kidnap him, because you had a weird feeling about him!” Peter recognises the voice of Captain America. He sounds like he’s scolding someone. So, it’s not HYDRA that kidnapped him, that’s good. “You didn’t even meet him, how could you have any feelings about him?” the Captain sighs and Peter can’t tell for sure, but he thinks that the man sits down.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I overheard enough.” answers the female voice and Peter assumes it’s Black Widow. The accent doesn’t match Scarlet Witch.</p><p> </p><p>“Overheard, is it?” sounds Stark.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that teacher called the kid Tom, but then Barnes saw him, recognised him and called him Peter. The kid dodged and since then Barnes looks... emotional, closed, you saw him yourself. Then, Stark checks the kid and it looks like Tom Holland is a fake identity and FRIDAY isn’t able to find any other name to match the kid’s face. Even if she adds first name Peter. So don’t-“ </p><p> </p><p>Peter tunes the Avengers out. Kidnapping a teenager right after school, that’s what they do when he was just starting to think about them as good guys. But okay, it’s kind of his own fault. He was supposed to keep a low profile on this bloody field trip a week ago and he didn’t. The teen doesn’t listen to the argument they are still having, but he counts heart beats in the room. 5. It’s Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff and Tony Stark and two other people.</p><p> </p><p>Peter is sitting on a casual chair you’d find in a billionaire's house but his hands are behind his back and behind the chair’s back as well. He’s handcuffed, but he’s sure he could break out. He woke up from the sedative faster than he should which means they don’t know about his metabolism, <em>which</em> <em>means</em> they don’t know about his strength. But then again, how could they? Everyone who knew is dead. Or so Peter hopes.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Peter comes back to earth. “You don’t have the right to kidnap a boy just because he looked familiar to someone I wanted him to be!” yells the man that just walked into the room. Wow, Peter really missed him. His heartbeat speeds up, listening to his ex-big-brother figure’s voice. “Give me a key to those fucking handcuffs.” the Winter Soldier snarls, walking probably towards the Black Widow. Tom just checks that he still wears his watch and that he has the belt in which is hidden a knife. On his shoes are two small tasers that he designed to look like buttons. With that, he’s ready to speak up.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Soldier.” the boy says and looks up straight at the man he’s talking to. “If I really wanted to, I’d already be free.” he adds when the Soldier just looks at him, scanning every detail of his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry to disappoint, but this metal is so strong it could be called Vibranium in training.” answers Stark, so the teen turns to the rest of the room and he sees that the two people he didn’t know about are Sam Wilson and Agent Barton. </p><p> </p><p>“Peter?” whispers the Soldier. “How- What?” the man looks like he really convinced himself that Tom wasn’t Peter and now it’s shattered again.</p><p> </p><p>The teen turns to look at him. “You know, when they first said that you left and called you a traitor I was happy for you.” Peter begins. “Because you used to laugh, but I could see that you hated being there. You had really sad eyes. And you had this sad smile when you were talking about your best friend.” the teen says and he nods his head at Steve Rogers, but not looking at the Captain. “It was him, right?” the boy asks, his voice soft even though he didn’t want it to sound like that. He wants to be bitter and angry, and he wants to not care about the Soldier anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so who is he?” Agent Barton speaks.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” Sam Wilson asks the boy, but he only looks at the man and turns to the Winter Soldier again, as if no one interrupted him.</p><p> </p><p>“But you left and I was alone.” Peter says softly but with strong feelings behind his voice. “And so I wanted to hate you.” he continues. “So much.” in the corner of his eye the boy can see Black Widow and Tony Stark narrowing their eyes. “I think, deep down, I really started to. Because if I hated you, then I didn’t miss you anymore. And they said you were a traitor, and we weren’t allowed to miss anyone, especially traitors.” the boy looks down. “Agent Rumlow was kind of nice after that... said that they are my family and all that bullshit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rumlow?” Captain America jumps in. “As in S.H.I.E.L.D. or-“</p><p> </p><p>“HYDRA, yeah.” Peter answers, nodding and he looks up at the Captain. “Where do you think we know each other from?” the teen frowns. “Church?” </p><p> </p><p>“Peter, how are you in New York?” the Winter Soldier asks. The boy sees that Wilson and Barton leave the room. He looks at the Black Widow then, waiting for her to follow them, but she just crosses her hands on her chest and looks back at him, so he turns to the Soldier.</p><p> </p><p>“Your... what, friends? Is that what you call them? Were attacking our bases. Were you with them? Did it feel good?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was with them.” the Soldier says and it’s only now that Peter realises how much his voice changed since HYDRA. How much more soft he sounds and how you can hear emotions when he talks, how much more <em> human </em> he is. “I was looking for you. That’s why I insisted on attacking every single one of the bases, because I didn’t know which one you were in.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter slowly looks down and chuckles, but without really feeling it. “You didn’t attack all of them.” he says.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait? Are they still alive?” asks alerted Stark, but Peter doesn’t look up.</p><p> </p><p>“I met my father’s brother and his wife, you know?” says Peter and smiles slightly. “They were good people.” he adds and suddenly his face turns cold and blank. Then, he looks up at the Soldier. “Agent Rumlow killed them.” he says. </p><p> </p><p>“Peter, I am so sorry. I swear if-“ the Soldier starts and is coming closer, but the teen stops him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay.” he says like he really believes it. “I killed him back.” he adds. “I shot him a few times. Left foot, left knee, right knee, right foot, left shoulder. ‘Let him know that he’s going to die.’ he used to teach me. So I did, right?” the teen explains and shrugs. “Appalachian Mountains. I killed everyone that was left and I burned down the base. I just sat there and watched it falling apart, it looked really pretty. Did you feel the same?” the last question he asks as if he really wants to know the answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Not really.” answers the Soldier and then there’s silence after that. He grabs a chair and places it opposite Peter, then sits down. “Can you give me a key to his fucking handcuffs?” he looks back at Black Widow. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m good.” says the boy when the woman just stares at him. Then, he tears the handcuffs apart behind his back. And whatever vibranium-in-training it was, it shutters like cheap glass.</p><p> </p><p>Black Widow suddenly stands in position to attack and there’s an Iron Man suit around Tony Stark’s left palm. Just in this place, though, just the repulsor. Captain America is also on alert.</p><p> </p><p>“One wrong move and I’ll shoot you.” says Stark.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking try!” warns the man Winter Soldier, but Peter ignores him. He stopped being Peter’s big brother when he left him.</p><p> </p><p>“They told me thousands of horrible things you did, they never mentioned you were able to kill a teenager.” Peter says, looking at the billionaire with a cold face. “I put a bullet in a man’s brain, just like you, when I was 7.” he adds. “And then I smiled at Agent Rumlow when I was praised.”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t have a problem with killing a teenager.” Black Widow cuts in, before Stark can even open his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Natasha, stand down.” says Rogers, but Peter watches the woman come closer. </p><p> </p><p>“Actually you will.” he answers her and quickly, quicker than an average human could, he grabs two buttons that are on his both shoes. He throws the tasers at her and she’s on the floor in no time. Seeing this, Stark fires at the boy, but the Soldier jumps in front of him and takes the punch. It doesn’t look bad, though. </p><p> </p><p>“Barnes, fuck!” sounds pissed voice.</p><p> </p><p>“ZASHA, power.” says the teen, before Captain America can make up his mind about what to do and a second later all the lights are out, as well as those parts of Iron Man’s suit that were glowing. But it’s not late and there's a big floor-to-ceiling window so the room isn’t completely dark. </p><p> </p><p>“Boss, I’m afraid my protocols are being overridden.” sounds female mechanical voice and Peter really likes the looks on Stark’s and Romanov’s faces. </p><p> </p><p>“Son, you better stand down.” warns Captain America.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t call me son.” the boy snarls.</p><p> </p><p>“Peter, easy.” says the Winter Soldier. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gonna end up in another prison, Soldier. Even if that means fighting you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, hit me if you want to, but I’m not gonna fight back.” says the man and he takes a step closer. The boy just watches him closely.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck, stop.” Captain America warns his best friend but he ignores him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gonna lock you anywhere and I’m not gonna let anyone else do it.” says the Soldier. “We can talk this out, okay? We can help you.” he adds, being only two steps away from the boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Those are our enemies.” answers Peter, taking a step back and his voice is visibly brittle. “You betrayed us, Soldier.” the man stops, seeing Peter‘s reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“My name is Bucky.” he smiles slightly, the smile of a broken man. “And those aren’t our enemies.” he says. “Those were HYDRA’s. They are my friends and they can help you.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky is a nice name, Peter thinks. Or a nickname, most likely, but it sounds nice. It actually suits the Soldier. And he has shorter hair, Peter doesn’t know why he didn’t register that difference before, but those fit the Soldier too. He seems to be more relaxed than at HYDRA, the articles and pictures Peter saw throughout the last week are proof of that. The Soldier isn’t in many of the pictures, it seems like he’s avoiding paparazzi, but when someone takes a photo of him, he looks happy. His eyes are more hopeful now, looking at Peter, than they were ever in the base.</p><p> </p><p>The boy looks around. Agent Romanov on the floor, still held back by Peter’s tasers but conscious. Tony Stark without his suit anymore and with some weird emotions on his face that Peter isn’t able to recognise. And Captain America, he looks worried, like Peter might attack his best friend at any time and he’s ready to jump in. They all look like they don’t want to make a wrong move, to not spook Peter. Even Black Widow, which should be funny, seeing as she’s lying on the floor. But Peter heard and read a lot about her, if she really wanted to, wouldn’t she be able to get out of those little, primitive really, tasers? </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t trust them.” he says and he doesn’t know why, but he feels insanely scared.</p><p> </p><p>“You just need to trust me.” answers <strike>the Soldier</strike> Bucky. He seems genuine, he seems like he wants to help Peter and the boy wonders if the Soldier missed him, as much as he missed the man.</p><p> </p><p>Peter just stares at his face. Soft, caring face without any signs of fight or abuse as it used to be at HYDRA’s base. His beard that was shaved maybe two days ago, his short and clean hair. His hopeful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He sees a new man. There’s something in his eyes that causes Peter a flashback to one of those days when the two of them would just sit on a bench after training and drink juice boxes. Something that makes Peter remember that this man was his older brother once. </p><p> </p><p>But it’s past tense and how is Peter supposed to know if he’s not gonna be abandoned again? He can’t lose any more people, he wouldn’t be capable of recovering after that. All he wants right now is to hug his mother or his father that he doesn’t even remember and cry on their shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I-“ he starts, but then feels like he’s voice is going to crack, so he takes a shaky breath and tries again. “I don’t know if I can anymore.” he says, because he wants to. He really wants to, but inside he is just torn apart and he doesn’t know anything anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s okay.” Bucky answers quietly. Peter doesn’t think that the man even expected the teen to trust him. </p><p> </p><p>“It would be really good for you, Peter.” the teen hears ZASHA in his ear and he closes his eyes. Of course she wouldn’t <em> not </em> have an opinion about that. “You need an adult human being to take care of you, you are still a child who shouldn’t live the way you do.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do that ZASHA.” he says under his breath and he feels his heart to speed up. He knows he could jump out of the window if he really wanted to escape right now, but does he? Obviously it wouldn’t be pretty, but he’s positive he would pull this off.</p><p> </p><p>“You need someone to watch over you who isn’t hidden in your watch or phone. That’s for your own good.” and how exactly would this work? The Winter Soldier would be Peter’s babysitter? Would Peter have to move into the Tower? Would other Avengers even agree? Is that a trap and he’d end up in prison? How would he hide the fact that he’s Spider-Man? “Peter, you need to breathe or you will have a panic attack. Breathe.”</p><p> </p><p>Even though his eyes are already closed, he shuts them even harder and he sticks his hand out behind himself, to check if there’s something he can lean on, but there isn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay, kid?” he hears and he thinks it’s Stark, but he’s not entirely sure.</p><p> </p><p>“Peter?” this time it’s the Soldier.</p><p> </p><p>He tries to take a breath, but he feels like his lungs just aren’t working and he feels the panic rising in him. It’s like every one of the bad, anxious thoughts he ever had, suddenly came back to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Peter is having a panic attack, please don’t crowd him.” ZASHA speaks up, but this isn’t directed to him and it doesn’t sound in his earpiece, she said it out loud. </p><p> </p><p>The teen’s heart beats definitely faster than it should, like it’s just jumping around in his chest and he’s well aware of that, but he can’t help it anyway. He tries to listen to someone else’s heartbeat to try and match his own to it, but there are just too many of them at once and he feels his skin start to sweat. He hears someone talking but it’s blurred, as if he’s underwater. Like he’s five years old again and they are trying to drown him. </p><p> </p><p>“Peter.” he hears a stern voice, but the voice doesn’t sound angry and the voice doesn’t scare him. “Just focus on my heartbeat, <em> only mine </em>, and try to copy it.” says Stark (if Peter is not mistaken), and the man grabs his wrist and pulls his hand, lying the boy’s palm on his own chest. “Breathe.” he continues, exaggerating his own breath. “In. 1, 2, 3, 4.” there’s a scar on Stark’s chest. “Out. 5, 6, 7, 8.” the heart surgery kind of scar. The man keeps counting and Peter wonders since when does he have a heartbeat? HYDRA told him that Iron Man’s Arc Reactor was powering Tony Stark’s heart. “Inhale.” sounds the man’s voice and Peter can feel that he sits down on the floor and that his back and his head leans against the window-wall. “Exhale.” he realises that he was closing his eyes too hard - he’s able to see the white stars in the black, so he relaxes a bit. He doesn't feel dizzy anymore, just tired as if he just ran a marathon.</p><p> </p><p>“Peter, can you open your eyes?” the boy hears and even though he isn't freaking out anymore, he’s still not good and he feels like one bad thought and the attack will be back. He does as he’s asked nonetheless, and he sees Tony Stark kneeling in front of him, his palm on the man’s chest and the man’s hand holding his wrist. “Can you name 5 things you can see for me?” </p><p> </p><p>“The chair, the couch, shoes.” he says and takes a break to breathe. “Cushions, your tie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. 4 things you can touch?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your scar, the floor, the wall.” he lies his right hand on his left shoulder. “My shirt.” he adds.</p><p> </p><p>“You're doing great.” praises him Stark, sounding pleased with the teen’s answers. “3 things you can hear?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your heartbeat, this annoying music ZASHA is playing, TV one floor below us.” he answers, seeing that something startles Stark a bit, but he doesn’t comment on it. Oh, right, normal people aren’t able to hear a TV playing quietly one floor below them. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, 2 things you can smell?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your cologne and coffee.” Peter answers and he feels peaceful at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“And one thing you can taste?”</p><p> </p><p>“My sweat.” the boy says, taking his hand away from the man sitting in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Peter, are you all right?” ZASHA asks out loud, shutting off this annoying music that he doesn't even know when started playing. The AI says that it’s relaxing and some popular psychologist claims it’s supposed to help with panic and anxiety attacks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, all good.” the boy smiles awkwardly, seeing that everyone in the room is looking at him. Black Widow isn’t on the floor anymore. She had to free herself when Peter was freaking out.</p><p> </p><p>Stark is sitting the closest, the rest was holding back and just now is walking closer. <strike>The Winter Soldier seems</strike> Bucky seems worried, as if he almost got a panic attack himself, which is probably why it was Stark who helped Peter. <em> God, that’s embarrassing. </em></p><p> </p><p>“That’s nice AI you have here.” the engineer speaks up, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Who made her?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did.” Peter answers, lying his palm over his watch, as if he wanted to hide ZASHA from the Avengers.</p><p> </p><p>“What does the acronym mean?” Stark continues, his face for a second showing that he’s impressed. Peter sees that there’s a lot more the man wants to ask. Probably about his strength, his hearing, where did it come from? What else does he have enhanced? How old is he? HYDRA? <em> What the hell? </em></p><p> </p><p>“ZASHA, off.” commands Peter, ignoring the billionaire.</p><p> </p><p>“Boss, I’m back up.” sounds Stark’s AI - FRIDAY - a second later and all the lights that were on before, light up again in that moment. </p><p> </p><p>“Since when do you have a heartbeat?” speaks up Peter before anyone else can. He sounds genuinely curious, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes at Tony Stark. </p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i don’t know what happened here, it’s quarantine’s fault. (may turn into a series, depends on how bored will i be)</p><p>come yell at me on my tumblr: remi-briggs</p></blockquote></div></div>
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